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martedì 16 ottobre 2007

HOWTO: zen or the art of rolling spaghetti

Guten tag, my friends!

This is my first international HOWTO and it's mainly aimed to help all of you outer world inhabitants (that is, you lucky people having the chance to live outside this waste land called Italy) in learning how to roll - and eventually EAT - a couple of spaghetti by simply using a fork *and* your hands.

In doing so we have chosen to adopt the 'learn by example' method [1]: a practical alternative to the didascalic and maieutic ones, which are far too complex and hence not suited for this purpose.

So, have a look at these pictures: they show my young little son Federico - a.k.a. 'Chico' (pronounced 'Kiko') - while struggling to roll and eat a bunch of 'spaghetti con le vongole' (spaghetti with claws and garlic), a typical seaside dish shown here in all its majesty as prepared by Mr. Mario of the 'Er Pioniere' ('Ye Pioneer') fame, in his small inn at the end of the 'Villaggio dei Pescatori' ('Fishmonger Village'), Fregene - Rome.

The first step

The second Step
(pictures copyright 2007 by memyselfandi)

It was my son first attempt ever, and it turned out to be quite successful, too.

Consider that Chico is two years and nine months now: although he's quite an ingenious kid, and he does know how to spell 'pimpiripettenusa' in a whisper, he still is a kid (and definitely a cute one).

Imagine what YOU could do.

After all, you used to cross the oceans back and forth with ships made of metal (how could it be? weren't they supposed to sink?), you fled with huge airplanes at the speed of sound or higher (how could it be? weren't they supposed to fall?), you reached the moon many a time in the past years (how could it be? wasn't the moon just painted white over the black sky?), you successfully fought against Iraq, a VERRRRY serious menace for your faraway land (how could it be? you don't EVEN know where Iraq is!) yet you don't know how to decently eat a cup of spaghetti.

Oh my!

Now you're on your way to enlightenment: just sit back, surf the web and book ASAP a low cost, low risk, low satisfaction trip to Italy.

Once there, find the best looking restaurant (or 'taverna', 'osteria', 'trattoria', 'hostaria', 'pompe funebri') you can, and order with confidence a wealthy portion of 'spageti boloniese'.

Then, show everyone your craftsmanship and start splotching tomato (?) juice and meatballs all over the red-and-white-checked tablecloths.

Beware all those people sitting at tables near you: they could turn out to be very hostile when bombed with someonelse's lunch, after all.

Clean your mouths, wash your eyeglass (if any) and throw away your skirts: it's just time to relax and order a hot 'capuccino' with a Big Mac.

Well done! Hope to see you soon again.

Best regards



[1] - A replacement for the older 'Osserva, Sperimenta & Impara' method, (c) 1956 / 1988 by TraumFabrik productions


Anonimo ha detto...

Good job, flowerside! A very good advise for all of us bungler american people!
It's profoundly true: Italians do it better!

TED74 ha detto...

fiche le foto!!
per il resto, alla terza parola in inglese mi sono ritirato

Fabio J. Flowerside ha detto...

@anonimo: please qualify yourself, you vecchia ciavatta.

@ted: ecco, bravo, ritirati.

eddie ha detto...

io non ho voluto ritirarmi, quindi mi sono lavato a secco

(ti ho rubato le foto del pupo)

Fabio J. Flowerside ha detto...

@eddiemac: 'a trucido, quanto chiedi per il riscatto?

eddie ha detto...

niente, le tengo io (mi piacciono assaje. quasi quanto quelle che gli ho fatto io, per dire)

Anonimo ha detto...

My name is Ciavatta, Vecchia Ciavatta!